When I first heard that sentence, I felt bad. It was as if someone had punched me in the stomach. I thought to myself, why should I change MY perspective? Why doesn’t he change his perspective?
I was in a relationship where we often quarrelled. I felt constantly attacked and I had a need to constantly defend myself, justify myself, fight for my voice. Fight to be heard, to be seen, to be understood and my opinion to be accepted. I often felt tense and stressed and thought to myself that this battle would never end.
In such fights, I often knew how to focus all my energy on my victory. I didn’t want to give in and I knew how to focus on my opponent. Feeling of being constantly under attack was so strong that I was unable to see beyond my finger. I was completely “inside”, in a whirlwind of my emotions. Anger, rage, sadness, jealousy, envy.
It all threw me in all directions. I felt like I was losing control of my emotions, that I could no longer control, soften, package, or embellish my statements. I felt like I was getting lost in that whirlpool of emotions, that I was losing control, the battle, the victory. I did not want that to happen. I did not want to lose. I did not want to lose MYSELF, but what was I supposed to do?
I felt like I can’t help myself. Emotions were simply stronger than me. They were looking for their own agenda, they were asking me to represent them, to say what I think. Was there something wrong with that? Well, there was. At the end of the battle, I felt alone, like the only person on this planet, where no one understands, accepts or loves me. With great sadness in my heart and a lot of tears that I don’t even know where they come from anymore, who I cry for and why I cry at all.
But the need to cry was so great and strong and I allowed myself to cry, to let all that sadness come out, find the path of its freedom and leave. Let it go, just let it go… were the words constantly whispering in my head. Let it go so I can finally breathe.
After a while I could finally say that’s enough. Enough crying. I cried out everything, there is nothing left. Now is the time to embark on a journey of exploring my emotions, my sadness. What does my sadness want to tell me? What message is she trying to convey to me and I was persistently ignoring it?
Now I was ready to listen to her, everything she has to say to me, although I was very afraid of what I will hear. The fighting of various parts of my personality has already begun. They constantly blamed each other. No compromise, no teamwork. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. To be able to hear my sadness at all, it came clear to me what I needed to do first. I had to reconcile my parts of myself. my anger, my rage, my guilt.
My feelings were right and each one of them needed understanding. To be understood, from its point of view. To have their condition respected, appreciated, and accepted and not to be changed by force. With greater force comes stronger resistance. Stronger resistance means even stronger war within ourselves. A war that in the end only harms us the most, even though we think that this is how we win the opponent, but in fact only we lose. And more than we think.
What did I do?
I have united my emotions. Reconciled their wishes, listen to what they had to say to me.
Looked at the situation from their point of view, respected their opinion.
Found a compromise. Sometimes was easier said than done but didn’t give up. They are all valuable parts of myself that also needed my attention and nurturing. It was necessary, to spend more time with each emotion until I felt that peace has been achieved. It paid off.
This process of reconciliation was sometimes long and exhausting, but it was only so at the beginning. Because it was still all new. But over time, it got faster and easier.
As a little help I recorded a meditation that can help you become aware of your emotions and strengthen your connection with them. Enjoy it!